If families are trees...

...mine is a pecan tree.

fam·i·ly

fam(ə)lē

noun 
     1.   a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household. 

     2.   all the descendants of a common ancestor. 

I have another definition I would like to add. 

     3. the people in your life that can hurt you the worst.

Now I realize that seems very pessimistic and possibly depressing but I know you all know exactly what I'm talking about. Whether it's a fight with someone that knows all your weak spots or just accidentally being left out of family get-together they have the capacity to hurt us worse than anybody because they are supposed to be the ones that have our back no matter what, right?

Maybe it's just my family.

Gods I hope not.

I believe I have mentioned before that I live in a very Christian area of the world, and this side of my family is filled with Good Southern Christian Folk. The other side of my family is in Colorado, and while they are not GSCF they are Proper Christian People, and then my parents, Very Proper Christian People. That's all well and good. Find your fuzzies and all that. Both sides have known for quite some time that I am Pagan. They know, they may ask me a question once every three years, but generally we don't talk about that fabulous skyclad elephant in the room. 

Bam. Pregnant. Well, you know not bam, that's not how babies happen. Well, I guess it kinda is. I digress. Pregnant, and then Witchling comes into the world in all her tiny squaling glory. I suppose it may have been naive of me to think that we could just continue to ignore the elephant while I loaded my kiddo up on its back. I figured, "You know, these people all raised their kids without people getting all up in their business as far as faith is concerned, I'm sure I'll be left alone too."

Yes, yes. Once you stop laughing please continue reading. 

See, I knew that we would have to talk about it at some point, but right now Witching is teething and drooling and chewing on the cat. We don't exactly have in depth philosophical conversations at the moment, mostly it's "Yum Yum peaches" and "No don't put that in your mouth." I thought I would have time to talk to my family about it later, but most of all, I thought we would talk about it. 

I thought that, seeing as how they were family, that they had enough respect for me, not my beliefs but ME, that they would bring up their concerns or whatever, I would tell them I understood where they were coming from but this is how DH and I decided to raise Witchling and then we would ask them to respect that and there would be hugs and cherry pie. End of story. 

I'll let you finish laughing again. 

What I never in eight million years would believe would happen would be that they, VPCP, would decide that they would just baptize my daughter the first time I left her alone with them. When I found out I was hurt, I was angry, and I felt more betrayed than I think I ever have, and I've had some big betrayals. 

So I made a post on Facebook, as one is wont to do. 

There comes a point in your life when you have to stop apologizing for being who you are when the person you are is pretty awesome. I try to be a good person every single day. I try to have compassion and empathy for others and I try to remind myself that a lot of hate is born from ignorance induced fear. I stand up for the rights of other individuals to follow whatever path to the divine they feel calls them, knowing that over and over again I will be condemned for my own. I don't hold a group of Muslims accountable for the actions of those who use Allah's name to hurt others anymore than I hold a group of Christians accountable for using their own God's name as an excuse to hate, hurt, and act in a way I'm sure makes Jesus, the "love your neighbor" guy, cringe.

 Faith is supposed to make you want to be the absolute version of yourself for yourself and for others. My absolute best self is 100% Pagan. I have now been Pagan for more years than I was Christian. Most of you on my friends list have only ever known me as a Pagan. I am not a bad person. I don't worship Satan. Heck I don't even litter. I believe whatever you put out into the world comes back to you so I do everything I can to only put out super awesome happy hippie vibes of love and flowers and whatnot. 

Here's the deal though. Every single one of you with children has had the opportunity to raise your child how you see fit. [DH] and I deserve that same respect. I'm not saying we're going to raise her Pagan, or Hindu, or Buddhist, or Christian, or Muslim, or Jedi. I'm saying whatever we decide is our right as her parents and it should be respected and if not encourage at least not undermined. I can tell you one thing I know for absolute sure about how we'll raise our daughter and that is with tolerance and love for all people, regardless of faith.

I followed with a disclaimer about commenting, because there have been some absolutely HORRID comments left on my posts by family members and I am done tolerating abuse. I informed anyone who had any issues to save me the trouble and delete me from their friends list.

Dear reader, imagine the heart warming shock I got as people posted their messages of support. People I hadn't talk to in years, people I would have never thought would support me, and not one single vile comment. I was flabbergasted.

Of course the people who didn't like the post were quite loud in their silent protest, but it was silent.

I know that my family and I will have to have the talk about Witchling's immortal soul. I will calmly tell them how my daughter will be raised, when they can begin taking her to church and under what circumstances, and I will make it abundantly clear that they are not to do anything without my permission first. I will explain that I am not saying that she cannot take part in their faith, or that she will be forced into mine, but simply that I am her parent and I will not be disrespected.

I realize we will probably lose them from our lives at this point. I grew up surrounded by toxic people and I won't expose my daughter to that. She will never want for love with or without them so if I have to let them go to protect her, I will.

I think the saddest thing of all about it is that, at the moment, I honestly don't care one way or the other.

The Care and Handling of Your Introvert

1. Never feed them after midnight.
2. Never get them wet.

Wait, wrong movie.

I've noticed new trend all throughout my Facebook news feed. Apparently it is now cool to be an introvert. Where were these articles proclaiming the badassery of the average introvert when I was in school? Where were the lists of top ten things everyone needs to know about introverts then? I would have eaten fewer lunches by myself if people had know how secretly awesome my weird personality quirk was. Or maybe I wouldn't and that would have been okay too, because I was the super cool introvert that just needed her space to regroup and recharge. 

Let me tell you though, as completely steller - is that still a word?- as being an introvert is, it's also 100% exhausting right now. The witchling and I are staying with The Fam whilst DH finishes up the house. Out of Town Fam is ALSO staying here for the holidays, which is actually very exciting. The witchling is always just right there, which is still great in my new mommy phase. 

My alone time to regroup and recharge? A 5 minute trip to the store to get a drink maybe once a day.

With all the lists and all the blogs and all the articles it's still hard for everyone to understand how hard it is to just hang out with people. Or how tiring it is to feel like you have to be "on" all the time, to smile, not to let your face fall into resting bitch face because then you have the go around of "What's wrong?" and "Is everything okay?" because these people are fantastic and genuinely care about you.  

So you can totally feed us after midnight, I prefer poptarts, but I'm not going to make a list of all the ways to help your introvert friends, or how to spot us like we're some mythical, magical creature or a majestic whale off the coast of Washington state. There are plenty of blog posts out there if that's what you're looking for. I swear, just google introvert. Like I said, we're totally "in" right now.

I have noticed how my introvert-with-social-anxieties-ness reflects in my magical life.

I tend to do my work at night, usually late, because of that stillness in the world that lets you believe, even for just a moment, that you are the only person alive. I can fully breathe in that moment, fully let go without worrying about having to make small talk, or having to remember to keep some pleasant look on my face.

Attending events has always been hard for me. I've had to push myself to go, and usually I spend the whole drive there feeling like I'm going to throw up and wanting to bail out of the car like some action movie hero.

Tuck and Roll!

When I do force myself to go to an event I tend to hang out near the back and not talk to anyone. If anyone approaches me I feel my butt cheeks clinch and I understand fully what a deer feels like between October 1 and January 15. 

If I do talk to these people and make new acquaintances it's hard to become friends with them and fully network because there are some days I just can't deal. My phone may ring and it stirs a pit of dread and despair within my poor nervous stomach.   

I've also made some fantastic friends because I found great people that got It.

I've had in depth conversations about the who, what, when, where, and why's of their personal brand of magic and ritual.

I've learned to raise great energy with others, and how to do it on my own.

I can sit in the mountains near my home for hours alone, just drinking in the silence and recharging my batteries without feeling the need to move or go or do. I can appreciate that the only sound is the wind rushing through the trees and across the boulders. 

It's a give and take, like everything in life. There is good and bad and some days, when I've not had a moment alone to even take a deep breath, it's a struggle to find the middle ground. Life and magic are about balance though, if you can't find it, strive for it.

My style of introvert may not be the same as yours, or you may be one of the rare mythical, magical creatures known as extroverts. Whatever the case may be at least on the internet no one has to eat lunch alone, we can all find our people.

Tune in next week as I try to get into the habit of blogging consistently.

Minor Rant

I live in the lovely, incredibly Christian state of Oklahoma. When I say incredibly Christian I mean it. Ada, population 17,000, has 51 churches. Oklahoma is indeed the Bible Belt Buckle and as a Pagan living here I've learned a few things, mainly to keep my mouth shut on most of my opinions. I scroll though my Facebook feed and see everyone I know posting exactly what is on their mind and I keep scrolling because I know 1. my opinion won't be popular 2. my opinion isn't wanted 3. my opinion will get me viciously (verbally) attacked, mostly by my own loving family.

It's a pretty depressing situation.

I guess I could say "fuck it" and post what I want, and I usually do, but some subjects are so hot button I simply don't have the emotional energy to deal with the hate anymore, because while I can read their opinion, disagree with it, respect their right to have that opinion, and keep scrolling, apparently I am an idiot to expect the same respect. It drives me crazy sometimes.

I love my faith, I love my path. I find it beautiful, it speaks directly to my soul and drives me to be a better person, but it's not an easy path to walk living where I do. I recognize it could be worse though, there are still people killed every day for being labeled "witch" and that brings me to the point of my post today.

It all started bright and early with this article on my newsfeed on Facebook. Basically it is a woman in the progressive state of Arkansas has declared her indoor shooting range a "Muslim-free zone."

Now I have a couple of different opinions about this. I dislike a whole lot of government involving its self in my business so if she wants to be a bigot, whatever. I reserve the right to boycott her store and call her out on her small mindedness. She reserves the right to refuse service and I don't want the government trying to change that because for every once of power we give them they take another fifty pounds.

Paranoid? Possibly, but I think at this juncture we all should be.

My problem is that she cites the Oklahoma "Muslim" beheading. I remember the original news cast, before they found out the man was Muslim. He beaded the women because he was fired, not because of his faith. When it came to light that the man was Muslim I knew that the focus would shift and things would be blown out of proportion.

Now there it is, in every article, his religious affiliation. It has been all over the news, including national news, and has been a Very Big Deal.

But, did you hear about the other Oklahoma beheading?

What? You didn't?

In this case a Christian man (nearly) beheaded another man for practicing witchcraft. This never even came up in the news. Not once. The only reason I found out about it was because OUT OF STATE websites posted something and my Google alerts picked it up.

Oh but he was on drugs so it was all the meth's fault.

You don't hear anyone saying they are going to ban Christians from their business for fear of their lives, despite Christianity's own bloody past, and present.

There are bad eggs no matter what the faith.

Here's my main issue though, I'm sure you're ready for me to get to the point. So many Americans are sheep, waiting to be told what to be afraid of.

The media blows ebola out of proportion, by the way there are no more cases of it in the US but we were all terrified of a pandemic.

It sensationalizes anything having to do with Islam.

"Holy cow did you hear that crazy person that did that bad thing had a brother's sister-in-law's uncle's cousin that read the Quran once?"

It keeps us so busy labeling and hating one another while the local and federal government engages in random stupidity. If we could spend a little less time being afraid, and a little more time on compassion, maybe we could pull ourselves out of this craziness instead of waiting for congress to do it for us.