Ramblings in the dark...

It's been a while since I've posted.

Hell, it's been a while since I've written anything.

I've tried to find a way to neatly sum up all that has happened in my life over the last year but, for the first time in my life, words have utterly and completely failed me.

Maybe one day I'll get there, maybe one day I'll wake up knowing exactly how to weave the tale of my journey into becoming a single parent.

Maybe one day I'll suddenly find the words to explain the new scars on my heart and soul.

Today is not that day.

Words are these amazing, living, evolving things that we use in so many unique and fantastic ways. Used at their best they tell beautiful stories, encourage others, declare new love.

At their worst?

Words used as a weapon cut far deeper than any blade, poison the mind, destroy the soul, dismantle trust, crush hope.

Used at their worst words can create wounds you fear will never heal.

I am not those wounds.

I am more than the words used against me by others.

I am more than the words I use against myself.

I am just as much of a product of words of encouragement and strength as I am the words meant to harm.

No.

I am MORE a product of the words of words of encouragement and strength than I am the words meant to harm.

They still hurt, I still find myself looking down expecting to see blood because surely anything that is this soul rending should manifest physically. How can so much pain exist without proof of existence?

Nights like tonight, when it's quiet and still and I'm still reeling from emotional sabotage from "well intended" family members (a story for another time), I find it hard to remind myself I am more than these scars.

I've come so far though. Piece by piece I've begun to let go of the mix-matched baggage of my past. With each beat up bag discarded I find myself happier, healthier, stronger, lighter.

Despite tonight's bout of despondency I am happier than I can remember being in quite some time. Things are better now than they have been in quite some time. My future is brighter than it had been for quite some time. 

That's right my loves, I am still ever the optimist and even a set back such as this will never change that. I still believe life works out as it should and that each heartache and misstep are nothing more than building blocks in the foundation of who we are meant to be.

(Forgive the rambling, it's been a weird day. Forgive the typos and errors, I am snuggled in bed using my phone and should be sleeping.)

Red Cup Drama

We're barely out of the first week of November and already it has begun, the cries of the "persecuted" Christians over the "War on Christmas." What triggered this tirade so early in the season, before we've even been through a well-deserved turkey tryptophan coma? A red cup.

Yup, you read that right.

A little red cup.

Now unless you've been living under a rock for the last couple of days I'm sure you've seen the rant by "preacher" Joshua Feuerstein about how Starbucks has joined the fight against Christmas by removing all of the snowmen, reindeer, snowflakes, and ornaments from the holiday cups they release each year. Never mind they still sell advent calendars and "Christmas blend" coffee, it's the cups that mean war.

So who is this guy that looks so much like the guy from King of Queens I find can no longer watch reruns? Well, turns out he's a sneaky little bugger. I'll let SemDem tell you here or you can watch CultofDusty's video for an idea of the type of person we're dealing with. Overall he seems like a special kind of con-man that preys on prayers, and those are the worst in my book.

Being the mouthy person I am I felt like I needed to comment on his post.

You make me sad. That sounds silly, I recognize that, but it's the truth. You make my heart hurt.
I am not a Christian, I'm completely okay admitting that, but America was built on the idea of religious freedom. I would fight for your right to worship your God just as vehemently as I would fight for my own rights. If I believed there was an actual war on Christians I would stand next to you to help defend you, even though I've been threatened with violence many times by so called "Christians," even though I know you would never stand with me if the roles were reversed. The thing is you are so self absorbed and so sure of your own righteousness that you don't care that you share the holiday season with other faiths. You are so sure that your way is the only way that you are willing to make someone practicing their own faith into a slight against yours. That's not how the world works, that's not how America is supposed to work. You do not have to agree with my religious outlook, you do not have to convert to my faith, you don't even have to like me as a person, all you have to do is accept that I have the same rights, I am an American and free to worship as I wish.
Your war against Starbucks is sad, and I hope that as you fight to keep "Christ" in "Christmas" you behave as if you have "Christ" in your "Christian" heart. I only mention it because the hatred filling up your Facebook pages makes you appear as if you've forgotten His message.

Later, I found out his wife had posted something supporting him on her page, so I went and left this same comment, with a little more added just for her,

I'll share what I posted on your husband's page. I think applies equally here but in a different context. I understand your wish for our country to have laws that reflect your morals as a Christian, but you forget that our nation was founded for all people. We can be a moral nation, a nation that sets out to do the best for its citizens, without being a Christian nation. To try to push your religion onto other people in an area of the country that has always been meant to be secular is disheartening for those of us who feel ourselves called to a different path.

And because it bothers me I'd just like to point out political correctness isn't about limiting your free speech or pandering to those you claim are easily offended. It's about reminding people with a limited, narrow world view that there are so many different, beautiful, wonderful cultures that make up out nation and they deserve the same rights and recognition. 

Now I didn't expect to change their hearts or their minds, people that are angry will always be angry. They seem to look for things to find offensive, but I wanted to see if we could open a dialog, really talk about the situation.

I can hear you laughing.

Josh never replied to my comments, but she did, in a way. She deleted my comments and banned me from posting on her page.

Yup. One more Facebook page to add to the banned list.

I feel sorry for her. How insecure you do you have to be in your own faith that you have to not only delete comments with opposing viewpoints but outright ban the person from commenting again. I can see if I had been hateful, rude, tactless, or ugly, but I really tried to be polite and respectful. She didn't have to comment back, she didn't have to leave my comment posted, and she had every right to ban me for absolutely no reason. It's Facebook, it is not that serious. I'm not mad about it, I just find it funny and a little sad.

It makes me sad that the Christians that seem the most vocal are people like Josh, shouting into a phone camera and spewing rage and lies, people like my VPCP dad and step-mom filling their Facebook wall with hate and bigotry, or people that have disproportionately angry reactions to anyone that dares tell them "Happy Holidays."

Not all Christians are hateful. Not all Christians are close minded bigots. Not all Christians are incapable of realizing they share the world with other people, other cultures, other faiths, and that that's okay.

Not all Christians are assholes, and as we get closer to the 8th level of hell that is the holiday season I will endeavor to remind myself of that fact.

The only way to make sense out of change...

...is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.

- Alan Watts

Dear (some) Christians,

Change is scary, I know. In an instant the world you know can become something new, and your first reaction can be fear, and it's byproduct hate. I try not to hold it against you, I do, but sometimes you make it so hard. 

June 26th, 2015 was a historical day. The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) declared marriage equality, ruling that same-sex marriage is now legal in all 50 states. Your knee-jerk reaction was to pull out your smiting sticks and go waving them about in anger. It saddens me because it means you missed the message of SCOTUS completely. I would like to share with you my favorite quote.

“No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right." 

You talk about how “they” will be the ruin of traditional marriage. I’m sorry but traditional marriage has been on the decline for years now (I made a post about it a while back) and it has nothing to do with those seeking marriage equality. Divorce is down, it's true, but how many of you believers in "traditional marriage" are on your second, or third, or more, "traditional marriage?" I'm not faulting you, you have your reasons and there is nothing wrong with it, I'm simply pointing out that "traditional" has evolved over the years to include divorce, maybe it should now evolve to include love.

Yes, love. That's what this whole thing is all about. The right to have their love recognized by the government. The right to be seen as people. By saying they have no right to get married you are saying they are less, they are not worthy of the same rights as you, they are not people.
Can you imagine how that would feel?

I can. I had a family member tell me I had no right to get married. Not because I wanted to marry someone of the same sex, simply because I worship a different god. Their claim was that "Marriage is a covenant between a man, a woman, and GOD" therefore, since I saw the divine a little different, what did I need to get married for anyway.

They were saying I was less because I was different. I will never see that person the same way, and it broke my heart a little they could be so nonchalantly cruel to me, someone they "loved."

I digress.

I'm not asking you to go dancing in the streets and to show up at every single wedding with a bouquet of flowers for the lucky grooms, or brides, or bride and groom. I'm not asking you to marry someone of the same sex. I'm not asking you to abandon your faith.

Luke 6:35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 

If you think us wicked, the LGBTQ+ community and their supporters, then maybe this is all just a test for you. Maybe your god wants to see you be kind to those of us you deem your "enemy" in his name, rather than condemn us in his name.